As treating couples is part of my practice, I’ve learned the different ways that they communicate with one another. Here are five of those. Which ones resonate for you? How are they different than the ones that your partner would choose?
1. Touch: Some like to be touched, held, made love to, kissed, hugged and that includes holding hands. These are their fundamental ways that they feel love from another.
2. Gifts: People are shown that they are loved by what you can give them. Could be the smallest thing; a handwritten poem, a Latte, or something larger; a couple of diamonds or a fly rod? Just think gifts of any kind. It shows them that you’re thinking about them even when you’re not with them. They in-kind may respond with affection.
3. Verbal: This group needs to hear that they are loved. This means voicing appreciation, praised. They need to hear that they are beautiful, handsome, and needed. They need to hear it all. It’s important for their equilibrium in the relationship.
4. Do for Me: What will you do for them? Will you fix the stopped up toilet? Make them their favorite breakfast? How about taking their car in for a tune up? Making dinner one night? Iron their shirts? Make the bed (in the morning!) Make the effort to show up at a function? Pick them up at the airport? Oil the irritating door hinge? Clean the house? It shows them that you notice what is important to them. It’s intimate, when one responds to another’s deeply felt secret.
5. Understanding: This is my favorite. It’s quiet and understated. It’s the last one on my list, because it has memory, and usually, is more present as the result of a long relationship. It’s loaded with silent emotions, shown in a slightly raised eyebrow. It’s a smile from your partner when you’ve done it “right”. It’s truthfulness with no fear. It’s an ease that you both have certainly earned. It’s simply being seen, truly seen, with no judgment by your beloved and no attempt of your own to hide anymore.
All the above is relevant to include both sexes. Men feel love in the above ways just as women do. So, which of the above categories do you fall into? My guess is a combination of them.
I’d be interested in your comments. Are there any other ways that are not a part of the above basics, that we receive love?