With the ever-increasing chaotic and loud world that we live in it takes awareness to understand that it’s not a drink or a pill that we need, but some time away from the daily grind. Most of us, myself included are so used to being plugged into all of our devices that as we catch up on the newest calamity we lose something of ourselves. We forget how taking all this bad news into ourselves is debilitating and consistently pulls us out of a moment and into our heads.
While many are breathing, meditating and trying to get eight solid hours of sleep which helps to negotiate the daily minefield and keep our systems in a balanced state, sometimes we need a change of place to recharge. The need for escape is a relevant drive and one we should be listening to before we are swamped and overwhelmed.
Understandably, most cannot drop everything and go for a walk on the beach while others are dependent on us. How we care for others is how we care for ourselves in keeping our own spirits charged. I’ve found that working in my garden, and marveling at the variety of birds that come for a drink in our fountain as I’m pulling weeds or cutting back a bush helps to calmme. It’s important to know where you can go for solitude, and then plan the week to spend some time there.
On most Sunday’s I can be found exploring the vast grounds at Huntington Gardens in Pasadena. The Japanese have a name for walking in nature, its called ” Shinrin-yoku or forest bath. This happens easily in the variety of plants and trees that are there. This escape is just one of many of the to-go places that I have found for myself. The experience that I have there gives me reason enough to work hard during the week knowing I have a place to go to be alone in nature,.
There comes a time when we all experience loss. It could be a parent, friend, or a beloved pet. It’s natural to grieve. The length of time one grieves a loss is individual and unknowing. Sometimes it may be how close the connection or how much they meant to you. How much they were in your life. People generally are uncomfortable around people who show their grief. It’s bound to happen. Often, one doesn’t have the luxury of going off somewhere for months to process their loss. There is no greater loss if someone loses a child, a parent, or a beloved pet. Love is love and most of us have felt more love from our pets than our parents. So, no it’s not silly if your grief for your pet goes past a few weeks. I personally felt more grief when we had to put our cat down after 18 years then I did for my mother who died a good death in her sleep at 90 plus. Don’t assume to know what anyone is going through. It would be seen as very generous and authentic of you to really let someone share some of their grief with you.
I’ve noticed in myself, that I feel doubly blue if I’ve lost someone who has always made me laugh. That, for me is a great loss. These are friends that you can’t wait to see. There aren’t any trips or games, just great laughter. I want a recording of all my friends laughter. What a priceless gift that would be.
My specialty as a coach is working with individuals who do not want to be sitting on a couch two years from now. They have a lot they want to accomplish in their lives, and their aware of time passing. Here are a few bullet points that might make you a prime candidate for Short-term Therapy.
Want change now.
Realize the importance of making time for this to happen.
Be able to communicate to me what you might be dealing with.
Want to change now: Though it is hard to change the older we get, it’s not the norm! Many that come into therapy want to change and do. It takes discipline and continuity. See what in your life you have already applied this to with some success.
Realize that it takes Time: Depending on the individual, it’s not uncommon for someone to see me 3 times a week, versus the usual once a week. Clients have left here satisfied that they’ve gotten what they were seeking after two sessions.
This work is not for the meek or compliant. When you find what you might have to change i.e., thinking patterns, behaviors, unclear communication skills, you’ll find what you’re made of and choose to continue.
Think of the worst thing you could share with someone and then imagine sharing it with your therapist. We establish trust in the first session. I’m on your side. I want you to have everything that you are capable of having. Why take weeks, months to get to the core of what it is that you’re struggling with?
Be Honest with yourself: I’m not an Alchemist, nor can I turn back time. Your choices have led you to where you are now. What changes in sessions is that you take responsibility for what has happened up until now, and we work on alternatives which you may not even be aware of that can bring you fulfillment, joy, and a new skill set to work with for the rest of your life.
I offer a 20 to 30 minute consultation free, before contracting with you.
Imagine if you can, that there is something else that you could tap into for positive responses to your requests, prayers, wishes? Now imagine that you have already received what you have asked for. Wouldn’t you at least say; Thank You?
Imagine still, that it wouldn’t make any difference what mood you were in or how you were feeling when you were doing the asking?. All you simply had to do was ask once, from your heart. No begging, pleading, bargaining or tears were involved. You merely take a moment before you make the request, and really take some time to properly get all the words lined up so that whomever or whatever is listening will know exactly, very specifically what it is that you want.
Here are a few examples of not quite, well thought out appeals:
I want to be healthy.
I need a job.
Would you send me a partner?
If I had only one shot at asking for what I wanted, using the above three examples, they would sound like this.
I want to be healthy in body, mind and spirit in the now. Thank You!
I need a job that fuels my own passions and expands my talents in ways I never thought possible and I would like at least a six figure salary or payment, and please let me recognize it when it comes in the now. Thank You!
Would you give me a partner, now that I know what it is that I need in one, that would be in their thirties, well adjusted, empathetic, healthy, funny, attractive to me and attracted to me, with financial security and most of all, let me recognize them when I see them in the now. Thank You
There is a universe that has no emotions, no agenda and doesn’t judge or dislike anything or anybody. It also doesn’t hold to our concept of time (hence the words “in the now”.) It’s just there waiting for our requests. Suspend your mind and your beliefs, and know that this is nothing new, but perhaps edited a bit simpler so that more people can easily understand and access it. No books by Tony Robbins, or Ted Talks or the hundreds that write it in self-help books and lectures saying the exact same thing, but usually in three hundred pages or more.
It is the practice of bringing in the moment what one needs, and “as if” you already have received it. This is what I learned from this practice. It may or may not come in the time slot that you have asked for. It will hear you and might place you somewhere where you would not suspect that you would ever visit, much less live. It may not come in the guise or appearance that you would expect. It may need to shake up your life, habits, beliefs etc.. Many times things may have to change in us to accommodate it. That’s the price that you must be willing to pay. My teacher often warned us to be careful for what we asked for, for she would give it to us, pretending not to know that we were just pretending. Sage advice, I think.
Working with clients that are plagued by depression, as well as having a life long relationship with it myself, I think I can speak with some experience as to the effects that it can have on one’s life. For myself, I found that living without treating ” it”, was a huge waste of time. Depression can stop one from getting on with the life they want.
Because of licensing agreements, most therapists cannot discuss one antidepressant against another with clients. This is a doctors field of expertise. I have often found the local Pharmacist to have more time and more information when comparing the side effects of say Prozac versus Lexepro to a potential consumer, than a doctor who doesn’t have the time for such a discussion.
So, hopefully, without too many changes of medication, you find the one that works for you. The first thing you may notice is that you now have choices, that months prior to taking the medication you never thought you had. It raises your tolerance for anxiety and gives you time for doing more of what you love. You have hope and dreams that now don’t seem all that impossible to achieve.
What I’ve yet to find is an easily understandable discussion or article that illuminates what a client who is beginning to feel better should explore while in this new state of awareness.
More specifically, I will address the tools that a client might work towards acquiring, while they are on an antidepressant that is working for them. Because I myself have plateaued on these drugs, and have, over the years taken myself off of them as an experiment to see, if, in the absence of taking them, I can continue to “live free” of the medication. I have learned that the more I have practiced using newly acquired tools while on the medication, there stands a very good chance that I will rely on them more as I get older, rather the antidepressant.
For this blog I will simplify, rather than expand on what each behavioral change can do for a client, by using bullet points. While on an antidepressant a person could:
Go back to school, or explore another field of interest.
Start therapy to help focus on goals that seemed impossible before
If one or all of these resonate with you, than this article is dedicated to you. All have proven to increase a persons mood and range of feelings about themselves and the world they live in. If you were never disciplined before, than now is your chance to bring this into your life with a vengeance. More than anything else a disciplined person is one who no longer procrastinates but structures their time well. If you have been depressed most of your life discipline should be explored now that the depression is gone.
Feeling more optimistic should not be taken for granted. You’ve possibly spent more of your life depressed than not, which makes the above points even more important to adopt into your new lifestyle.
The flip-side of taking an antidepressant that relieves the symptoms of depression for a client, is that it can fuel addictions just as it can fuel a structured healthy life. A person can choose not to adopt any of the above tools and continue using a substance that months previous was used to create distance from the very depression that they are now taking a medication for. Addiction, has to be addressed. The alcohol or drugs that seemed necessary for survival now will become more of a problem if there not stopped.
I hope that I have illuminated what could be possible for one who is battling depression and what some of the choices can be, once the decision is made to try a medication.
John Shinavier, MA, RYT, Life Coach Please take a moment and rate this blog by pressing the stars at the top of the blog. Thank You..To receive a new blog follow me.
Generally speaking, a man can wake up at any point in his life. Developmentallythis happens first in his early thirties. It’s a gut feeling that he senses when he’s not doing what he supposed he’d be doing or is not where he feels he should be in his life. He also might come to the realization that what his choices may have been at a younger age were more his parents choices then his. It can be a little overwhelming in the early thirties, but there is still hope and youth to fuel any new direction, whether it be in career, relationship, or higher education. Some years later there is quite a different man entering his late thirties, early forties. If he has not met any of his important goals that he had set in his late twenties or early thirties, then, this realization can have a crippling effect coupled with an urgency to change his life. His whole world is sometimes called up for review and his attempts to change may show themselves superficially in buying that sports car, leaving his spouse/partner, cheating on the one he does have or self medicating his feelings of low self-worth by drinking, using drugs or just behaving badly.
“Seasons of a Man’s Life” is a small group of like-minded men who will gather together one night a week for ninety minutes of introspection, discussion, education and story telling. Along with interesting exercises that will reveal what truly is important to them. The group will hopefully find answers to questions, learn problem solving skills that will help them reevaluate their lives and find fresh energy for the work that lays ahead of them.
If this sounds like a group for you or for someone you know, please call me for an initial free consult to see if you could benefit from such a group? It’s open to all men between the ages of thirty to fourty eight. It will initially run for eight weeks at the cost of two hundred and seventy five dollars, payable at the first meeting. The group is planning to begin towards the end of September. You will be given an informative packet of the schedule and the topics that will be discussed on any evening. I look forward to hearing from you.