New Year/Awake

Posted by John Shinavier - Life Coach | Speaker on January 1, 2024
Posted in: General Blog, Spiritual/Mindfullness. Tagged: , , , . 1 Comment

Awakening awareness is a transformative journey where one’s consciousness expands beyond habitual perceptions, leading to a profound understanding of the interconnectedness of all things. It starts with introspection and mindfulness, shifting from ego-centric views to a holistic perspective filled with empathy and unity. This process not only influences personal experiences but also extends to relationships and communities, enhancing global consciousness.

In this journey, individuals recognize the present moment as the fundamental reality, learning to live in the ‘now’ with peace and contentment. This awareness fosters a deep appreciation for life’s mystery and beauty, inspiring creativity, deepening spirituality, and encouraging a harmonious existence with oneself, others, and the environment.

John Shinavier MA
Transformational Coach




Essential?

Posted by John Shinavier - Life Coach | Speaker on May 17, 2020
Posted in: General Blog, Life Coach Blog. Tagged: , , , , , . Leave a comment

 

I’ve been grappling with a few questions these past couple of months.  Predictably, a large part of the lasting fallout from the COVID-19 virus will be massive unemployment and more layoffs than we have seen in our lifetime. What will happen when the worst is over? 

With hundreds of businesses, restaurants, and other amenities shuttered, will there be any job waiting for your skills?  More people than ever will be looking for employment just to survive and provide for the necessities; to put food on the table and pay the rent. What I have been thinking and what has come up in conversations with friends and clients is:

“How essential to the new economy will I be?”

We have all been hunkered down with forced time off and nowhere to go that I have trouble remembering what day it is.  Thinking I was waking up on Sunday today, I was in the kitchen looking for the bagels I usually reserve for Sunday breakfast.  Not finding them, I became irritated until I noticed the automated calendar that showed that today was not a leisurely breakfast while reading the papers on my phone, but stress-inducing Monday, which happens to be the worst day of the week for me.

My dive into depression was interrupted by a call from a friend who a few months ago, had a job as a manager in a high-end restaurant.  The restaurant had scrapped all plans to reopen. I calmed myself with my first cup of tea and listened to not the anger or disappointment of someone unemployed but the excitement and optimism in his voice! After soul searching the first month of his unemployment, he had come up with a fresh idea about a new way of representing himself online as a consultant to a new food industry which will hopefully emerge.  In the past month with tenacity and creativity, he now viewed this period as one of the glass being half full, an opportunity to change.  He had reinvented himself!

After I rang off and poured myself another cup, I thought of others having trouble filling their days after their workouts were over, dogs walked, mail read, and Tik-Tok was no longer an option.  What to do now until much later when they order their take-out dinner in the evening on one of the apps?  Every day, with few exceptions, was another Groundhog Day, a carbon copy of the day before. 

In summary, which of the two examples are you?  Are you returning to a guaranteed position, or facing your worst fears as your former occupation is no longer an option? And, what will you do about it?

Have you become non-essential?

 

John Shinavier, MA, Life Coach

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Cabin Fever

Posted by John Shinavier - Life Coach | Speaker on April 18, 2020
Posted in: General Blog. Tagged: . Leave a comment

Cabin fever has definitely set in. As the director of a non-profit that I founded in 1993, I’m going out to serve the homeless but there is a Stay At Home Order, so our volunteers cannot accompany me. Because of the virus any volunteer could be infected and could pass it to unsuspecting volunteers or the homeless. It’s frustrating as hell because we could do so much more together.

So at the end of the 5th week and the beginning of the 6th, my routine is getting up early having some tea and toast, then doing yoga for forty minutes which is followed by a long meditation. Then I make myself an egg sandwich, and that is followed by reading any mail that has come in and sending replies when needed.

I can only sit behind a desk for a very short while, then I make an espresso and take my bike out for an endurance ride ranging around the neighborhood and ending up on Sugar Hill where the streets are wider and the homes are grander. Noticing most mask pedestrians walking, pushing baby carriages or talking into phones. Occasionally greetings are returned when another initiates them.  It still looks surreal to me. The pocket park has a few rebellious young men playing basketball in two courts, but all the recreational swings and slides are still, and absent of children surrounded with orange tape.

Returning home, I check the two raised gardens that I’ve put in. One is for the Tomataro tomatoes which are the sweetest, most satisfying tomatoes I’ve ever had. The other is a bulb garden which will yield prolific blossoms all summer long. Neither need my attention.

 

 

Fourteen Months Have Passed

Posted by John Shinavier - Life Coach | Speaker on April 13, 2020
Posted in: General Blog, Spiritual/Mindfullness. Tagged: , . Leave a comment

The birds are louder than ever, for once there not competing with the sounds of traffic or overhead planes.  There is nothing in their airspace but the sounds of the morning; a dog barks, another down the block answers it.  The bright red Bottle Brush tree in the back must be a high price condominium so loud are the songs of my feathered friends at eight in the morning. The chime of church bells tolling the hour sounds wise and celebratory.

I skip the headlines and pick up where I let off in the New Yorker with morning tea. 

When the breakfast dishes are clear, I lay out my mat for a morning yoga stretch and follow with an extended meditation.  It helped to have structure, and it grounds me in grace and quiets my impatience. 

Depending on the weather, I take my daily bike ride through empty streets. I cross over the 10fwy and think how wonderful it would be if the freeway were closed to traffic for one day.  I could ride to the beach and back again without ever looking over my shoulder for on coming traffic. 

Due to climate change, our arid hot California spring has not been the slowly rising temps, instead the cool air comes for a visit. Yes, the traffic is slowly coming back, but we’re are alive after so many months of death. 

I call my oldest friend, who had contacted the virus.  I worry about him because the nature of the virus is that one has to tough it out by yourself.  His voice sounds a bit more gravely but he is a survivor. My tomatoes are blooming and I am grateful.

John Shinavier, MA, Coach, K.N.Y. Instructor

Wake Up And Slow Down!

Posted by John Shinavier - Life Coach | Speaker on April 7, 2020
Posted in: Awareness, General Blog. 1 Comment

It’s been noted that the majority of us are in our homes for what could be a long time with little company besides our pets, gorging on Netflix and eating badly. As our status in the world of the virus could be one that is written into history as the illness that brought our great nation to its knees, do you want to come out of it fifteen pounds heavier and nothing of quality to watch?

The first day of my lockdown was editing a book of short stories I had written for the umpteen time. By noon I was no further into this goal as I kept checking my phone for updates. Day two was spent working outdoors. I was out opening bags of topsoil and mulch by eight am. I put in a small garden in one corner of the yard as I did some laundry, made a salad and trimmed back a rambling bouganvilla. By one o’clock, I was exhausted and mildly surprised that I could no longer push my body to do anything but lie on the couch and scroll through my phone. Day three found me determined to write something new, but I knew it was worthless as I read several other blogs that I followed and told myself I would never write anything of worth this day. I brewed espresso, then decided to clean out my office. This worked well for an hour in, but in the process I found I was running out of colored folders to save and categorized all the papers that I couldn’t be without. I couldn’t go out, so I went into the kitchen and made myself a bowl of pasta with cups of cheese, two egg yolks, and lots of pepper. This mid-afternoon snack left no room for any more physical activities other than the couch, a book, and my cat sleeping blissfully on my stomach. Day four, I had toast and tea, read the headlines of several papers, and before I lost myself in the virus-vortex of news, I silenced my phone, put on some mystic music and did thirty minutes of yoga followed by twenty minutes of breathwork and meditation.

To sum it up it took me four days to realize that what I needed in these trying times was to slow down. My frantic attempt at losing myself in activities was exhausting me but also winding me up.  

So, each morning will begin like today. Now I can relax and listen to my muse.

John Shinavier, MA

A Good Death

Posted by John Shinavier - Life Coach | Speaker on June 26, 2019
Posted in: General Blog, Opinion, Spiritual/Mindfullness. Tagged: , , . 3 Comments

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Recently my father passed.  He would’ve been a hundred in a couple of months.  My mother died six years ago at ninety-three.  Both times my wife showed her concern and support for me but pointed out to me what she knew was detachment at my lack of affect.  She said that it would hit me eventually.  I never cried at either of their deaths. Five years ago, our gold tabby died, and I cried my eyes out.  I would do the same if the two cats that we have now passed.  

What’s the difference between losing a parent or a pet?

Mulling the above over, a number of answers came to me.  Both of my parents, whom I loved and respected, lived full and active lives.  Moving from their home into an independent one-bedroom apartment was a form of death for them.  Most of my siblings and I recognized this.  I saw my mother, who was always active in her family and community sitting in a chair and reading or watching television.  My father moved around more and took care of my mothers bathing in the year before she died.  My two elder sisters moved my father closer to them in another retirement home, where he was missing my mother and now needing his own assistance to bathe and dress.  My mother died in her sleep next to my dad, my father died in the company of two of my sisters, both peacefully.

Secretly, I was happy and relieved when they passed.  I knew both my mother wanted out, and later dad.    They loved each other, had six children and brought us up with love, and taught us early on to be independent.

A pet depends on you.  Parents, unless their sick or unstable, don’t.  A pet gives us unconditional love and asks very little in return,  They are for many of us with no offspring, our kids who we talk with others about with no shame, at times retelling the same stories.  We come home to them after a long day, wagging their tails in their excitement to see us or softly purring as they nudge our legs.  

If we are lucky, we have our parents into our adulthood and the relationship takes on the polished patina of good company.  Our pets, not so.  We enjoy them more, sneaking them treats on the side and if the property is there, we bury them under a tree in the backyard.

John Shinavier, MA, L.C.

Some Bad Habits and How to Break them.

Posted by John Shinavier - Life Coach | Speaker on March 7, 2019
Posted in: General Blog, Life Coach Blog. Leave a comment

 

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“This is not a habit.  It’s just something I like to do!”  If this comes after your unsolicited advice, then mind your own business and conjure up some of your habits which you might have a similar reaction if called on:

  1. Checking your phone, scrolling for messages, checking out who read what of your Instagram account, as a friend is waiting for a response.   Put the phone face down, and don’t answer it unless a call comes through.  Friends are important.  No one wants to feel that their playing second fiddle.
  2. Bitting your nails. I’ve seen more men doing this in public than women.  We do look at others hands for a variety of reasons.  Torn and bleeding cuticles is gross and doesn’t inspire trust/intimacy.  Start with a manicure, and follow through with clipping and using an emery board at home or office in private.
  3. Finishing another’s sentences before they’re done talking.  I’m guilty on this one.  Listen, they’ll be plenty of time to respond.  Especially frustrating when someone is a slow talker.  Listen, pay attention.  It shows that you value them, not necessarily what they may be saying.
  4.  If you have to smoke and don’t have any plans to stop, please remember those of us that you engage with and smell a sewer whenever you open your mouth. We love you, but a close conversation is going to be brief.  Suck on a mint or a chew peppermint gum.  Besides a smoker or someone who is congested, your pick of getting near to another is limited.

 John Shinavier, RYT, Life/Career Coach

 

Searching for Peace and Solitude

Posted by John Shinavier - Life Coach | Speaker on February 27, 2019
Posted in: General Blog, Lofe Coach Blog, Therapy Blog. Leave a comment

 

 

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With the ever-increasing chaotic and loud world that we live in it takes awareness to understand that it’s not a drink or a pill that we need, but some time away from the daily grind.  Most of us, myself included are so used to being plugged into all of our devices that as we catch up on the newest calamity we lose something of ourselves. We forget how taking all this bad news into ourselves is debilitating and consistently pulls us out of a moment and into our heads.

While many are breathing,  meditating and trying to get eight solid hours of sleep which helps to negotiate the daily minefield and keep our systems in a balanced state, sometimes we need a change of place to recharge.  The need for escape is a relevant drive and one we should be listening to before we are swamped and overwhelmed.

Understandably, most cannot drop everything and go for a walk on the beach while others are dependent on us.  How we care for others is how we care for ourselves in keeping our own spirits charged.  I’ve found that working in my garden, and marveling at the variety of birds that come for a drink in our fountain as I’m pulling weeds or cutting back a bush helps to calm me.  It’s important to know where you can go for solitude, and then plan the week to spend some time there.

On most Sunday’s I can be found exploring the vast grounds at Huntington Gardens in Pasadena.  The Japanese have a name for walking in nature, its called ” Shinrin-yoku or forest bath.  This happens easily in the variety of plants and trees that are there.  This escape is just one of many of the to-go places that I have found for myself.  The experience that I have there gives me reason enough to work hard during the week knowing I have a place to go to be alone in nature,.

John Shinavier, MA, CYT, Life Coach

 

Our Journey with the Spiritual Dictionary

Posted by John Shinavier - Life Coach | Speaker on January 12, 2019
Posted in: General Blog, Spiritual/Mindfullness. Leave a comment

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I, occasionally being directed by a friend, or some random link, which leads to a Ted talk. Many times the title of the talk or blog will sound something like this: “What the Universe Wants for You!” or “Become Mindful and accessing the Universe”.  I’ve never had that “aha” moment from listening or reading something online.

Which brings me to a couple of words that perhaps should only be used by the Dali Lama, who I suspect would know the meaning of both, but certainly would move on quickly to something else before I fell asleep.  The words Universe and mindfulness have been so overused that when I see or hear them in someone’s blog or talk, my gag reflex will kick in first, and I’ll click off.

Some people seem to embrace these words like they discovered them first on one of the sleek black shelves alongside some high-priced sweaters at Fred Segal’s and purchased them to impress their friends.  Meanwhile, the listener sitting on the other side of the table sipping his latte will either draw a blank or lean in to emphasize, already with their reply.  “I know exactly what you mean, I was swimming in the ocean the other day, and I had the experience that I could swim all the way to Japan! It’s like the universe was just giving me permission.”  More than likely they were in the beginning stages of hypothermia and were listening to a death wish that was re-surfacing, as they breast-stroked out to the horizon. {overheard at a coffee shop}

In summary, I have great respect for the universe and it’s meaning for me includes the abundance that comes with living a just and right life while I’m here on the planet.  

John Shinavier, Ma, Life Coach

 

 

 

Why do We Talk to Someone?

Posted by John Shinavier - Life Coach | Speaker on January 9, 2019
Posted in: General Blog, Spiritual/Mindfullness. Tagged: . Leave a comment

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The simple act of communication appears to be a hot topic these days.   In many articles that I read, it seems the one consistent talking point in having a conversation with someone is that the person initiating the dialogue wants something.  The skeptics argue that very often it’s something the person cannot get on their own so that they would like the other’s help.  I take this attitude to be part of the overlying fog of negativity that seems to be everywhere these days.

It’s also reported that more than we care to admit it, we engage because of a conscious or unconscious need to feel a part of a community. I’m more in line with this presentation.

Having moved away from a community where we lived for twenty-five years, my wife and I purchased our first house in a working-class neighborhood in East Los Angeles.  Our new neighborhood is made up of many different ethnicities including Chinese, Koreans, African Americans, Nigerians, Salvadorans, Mexicans etc..  Suddenly we became very aware that the French or Spanish classes that we slept through in High School were not going to help us in our new neighborhood.

I was encouraged by the smiles that were returned by many of my new neighbors, and sometimes a raised hand in greeting.  Some of them were incredulous in asking us why we purchased a house here?  This was never done in a mean spirited way, but with a curiosity that I’ve only encountered in my travels in parts of the world where English is not the first language.

Through the years that I have lived here, I’ve noticed that I need to communicate on a daily basis for my own mental health.  I have learned to do many things in isolation, which has its pros and cons.  My A.D.D tells me that I get more done by myself.  My extroverted self dies a little every day if I don’t reach out and start a conversation with someone.  

Perhaps it’s the extrovert that’s made me periodically share the yoga that I’ve been doing for over thirty years.  Taking Tango lessons, joining writing groups etc. also mark periods of my life where I’ve been the happiest.  Summary: No man is an island.

 

John Shinavier, MA, Life Coach, 600 hr Yoga Instructor

Tell me what I can’t see

Posted by John Shinavier - Life Coach | Speaker on January 9, 2019
Posted in: General Blog, Life Coach Blog. Leave a comment

 

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Much of the work of a coach is teaching awareness to someone who has become dissatisfied with their place in work and life.  This clarity of viewing oneself with a sense of calm detachment replaces the emotional view.  It would be like cleaning one’s windshield of the bugs, stains, and filth and establishing a clear picture of one’s goals and the appropriate direction to take.  

As a coach, I listen as the client explains where they are stuck, and observe how they respond to questions that tell me what may be in their way to receiving what they see as their payoff.  That could be a position in a company or how to better respond to employees who make them cross or upset.  

A woman comes in who is in the position of settling her mothers’ estate and is mired in family squabbles.  She is a soft-spoken well-mannered lady who is trying to please everyone involved.  She had been the only caretaker of her mother who needed daily attention because she was having respiratory problems.  Not one of the other two siblings offered any help and rarely stopped in to visit her.  Consequently, when the mother passed, she gave everything to my client who had moved in and taken care of her.  The mother had stipulated in her will that no one but my client who had taken care of her every need for three years was to get a penny.  She had come to me because she needed to know if her instincts were correct.

What the above client received from her sessions.

  1. How to set boundaries
  2. The realization that both her brother and her sister were manipulating her.
  3. She learned that saying “No” was simply clear communication.
  4. She learned to ask her legal help precisely what she needed from them.
  5. She could still get her needs met without raising her voice and yelling.

A client will often come in with an evident sense of what they need to do to reach their goal and is looking for tools to accomplish it.  A client who was in charge of the disbursements of a large non-profit was becoming overwhelmed with his duties. He needed to be grounded and to stop dissociating when the responsibilities became overwhelming.

Here are some tools he learned.

  1. How to use his breath to self-sooth.
  2. To realize that he was not his thoughts.
  3. To meditate for ten minutes in the morning and ten minutes at night.

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Much of what is learned in session is detachment.  The ability to step outside of oneself and view from a place of clarity on how to accomplish something without the emotional baggage that sometimes comes with it.

John Shinavier, MA, Life Coach

A New Humiliation Every Day

Posted by John Shinavier - Life Coach | Speaker on January 7, 2019
Posted in: Aging Well, General Blog. 2 Comments

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1.  Breathing is harder

2. An idea is forgotten as you move to do it.

3. Your reflection looks like your father is looking at you.

4. You scramble to finish a thought or complete a sentence.

5. Your body feels like someone replaced it with one that’s been beaten.

6. Activities that use to be taken for granted; biking, swimming, running require a lot more effort.

7. Doctors warn you to scale back on activities that are fun.

8. A day’s activities are planned around the location of bathrooms.

9. Names that one takes for granted and recall automatically have been kidnapped from your frontal lobe and dropped from your internal directory.

10. Waking up at the gym and wondering how you got there?

11.  Always ready for a lively discussion, you suddenly find yourself with nothing to say.  You can no longer respond fast enough to join in on a conversation. 

12. Suddenly, no one seems to notice you and you walk through your day feeling like your invisible.

13. Coming off of “there’s so much to do.” into looking at your calendar and seeing only doctors appointments.

Becoming older when one has always been very active is at first an afront, then concern, then a small humiliation.  Brave through all the above with a great sense of humor!

 

John Shinavier, MA, Life Coach

 

We are not our thoughts!

Posted by John Shinavier - Life Coach | Speaker on September 11, 2018
Posted in: General Blog, Life Coach Blog. Tagged: , , , , , , , , . 2 Comments

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One of the most valuable lessons that I’ve learned is that I am not what I think.  So many of us believe that our mind is the most powerful tool that we have to function in the world.  

Did you know that our intuition is developed before our brain is?  Our intuition is never wrong, when we start tuning in to what it has to say to us.  Many of the those I have worked with have trouble with that.  It takes practice to hesitate, take a breath and sink into our intuition.  Our minds will always start chattering to ignore that interception and listen to it instead.  The mind is like a petulant child that wants more attention and will continue screaming until they receive it.

“The mind is a bad neighborhood.  Stay out of it!”

from the Big Book of AA

Meanwhile the intuition is silently waiting for our attention.  The source of most of our thoughts is rubbish.  The mind feeds on our fears, our cravings, and our desires.  When we continue to feed it, by letting our thinking process lead us by our nose to more complications in our lives, we waste precious time which could be used to ask our intuition what course we should take when we are pressed to make a choice.

In summary, before a decision is made, just take a breath, and feel yourself sinking into your diaphragm where intuition lies waiting for your question.  Ask, and there is the answer.  Maybe not the one you want, but in the long run, the perfectly crafted, very personal, answer that will benefit you.

John Shinavier, MA, RYT, Life Coach

Every day a Challenge

Posted by John Shinavier - Life Coach | Speaker on June 14, 2018
Posted in: General Blog. Leave a comment

 

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I was asked by a neighbor the other day how I was doing?  What started as a casual inquiry suddenly felt like a loaded question as I paused, looked at the sidewalk and returned her gaze.  I gave her a generic answer of “Okay, I guess” before I continued to my car.  I sat in the driveway and felt the dread in my stomach building before I pressed a station on my radio and turned up an eighties dance song.  As I pulled away from my house, I began to say my blessings out loud and gave thanks for all that I had.  I didn’t feel any better, but more often than not this habit initially stops or lowers the volume of negativity in my head and I am able to redirect myself with the help of my affirmations and the music blasting.

Every day I am challenged to keep my heart open and my breathing full.  Like many of you reading this if you’ve been around long enough, we’re finding ourselves dipping into our reserves of grace to stay present and active.  In talking with my clients and others, we are all using our mantra’s, breathing deeply into our bellies and keeping our fitness goals just to be able to stay confident and aware.  Every day, and unfairly so, we are learning to devour more horrific news expanding our capacity for being uncomfortable and releasing it all back into the luminous universe when we get a chance.

A practice that my guru taught me has become very necessary throughout my days.  Whenever a disturbing thought starts gathering steam in my head, I focus on it first releasing any ownership to its place in my brain.  Secondly, I take a deep breath into my solar plexus connecting the thought to the breath.  Thirdly I then exhale, escorting the thought out of my awareness on the out breath.  This exercise has been part of my “toolbox” for some time.  It’s only in the last year or so been a mainstay of how I cope.  After a while, the anxiety-inducing thoughts stop showing up as much as they use to and they don’t stick around. 

So whatever you may use to free yourself of daily dramas know that you’re in good company and that when you stay for extended periods in awareness, that which used to take you down will, in the end, make you stronger.

John Shinavier, MA, Life/Career Coach

“Drink as you Pour.”

Posted by John Shinavier - Life Coach | Speaker on June 9, 2018
Posted in: Life Coach Blog. Leave a comment

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A client that I have seen off and on for many years has held positions in large corporations, been a political strategist for a president,  and managed the philanthropic endeavors of a Forbes five hundred company.  He has been on a trajectory that we planned together and tweaked for over thirty years.  I’ll call him Will for this blog.  Will has come a long way in his life and has gathered awards and kudos along with large paychecks and apartments in several cities.  At his core, he is a wonderful giving person, however, at times forgets what he originally came in to me for.  Reviewing his notes we found his inability to set boundaries as one theme  and his feelings at times of becoming mentally and physically exhausted.  

A chaotic childhood,no personal space, and intrusive parenting gave him little time for himself.  Recognition that he was raised to be a people pleaser did not translate into having great confidence.  Boundaries were explained in session and his homework was setting healthy boundaries with family, colleagues, and friends.  His initial discomfort with saying “no” slowly changed and his life continued on its path to success and fulfillment.

Burnouts, of the kind that Will was experiencing were the result of his habit of over extending himself to those with whom he worked with.  This in itself does not create  feelings of exhaustion but when Will let his daily regiment of working out and taking time each day to meditate to be compromised, he began to realize that if he wanted to keep his competitive edge he needed this time in his day to recharge his batteries.  The motto that he acquired early on of “Drink while you pour.”,  when forgotten, led to these periods of mental exhaustion and physical stress until he brought his routine back into balance.

The benefit of taking care of oneself whether working, serving others, raising a family, or simply living one’s life is the secret of successful people.

John Shinavier

Life/Career Coach

 

Take these into the New Year

Posted by John Shinavier - Life Coach | Speaker on December 18, 2017
Posted in: Awareness, General Blog. Tagged: . Leave a comment

  1. Stop reacting. This is something that you eventually learn as you get older.  Save your energy for the things that matter.
  2. Negative thoughts: Our minds are like cheap AM radios.  There are no filters.  You are not your thoughts.  Look at your thoughts with a detachment.  
  3. Habitual business. Where did you pick this up?  If you base your worth on how busy you are, you will miss chances to connect in meaningful ways with others.
  4. There is emotional drama around us all the time, walk away from it. It drains your energy.
  5. Comparing yourself, to others has no benefits. Start by being thankful for what you have.  Wanting what others have, means you find yourself incomplete.
  6. Practice being in the moment. Look around you.  Let all your senses connect to the moment and breathe,
  7. If you want to become lighter, give up everything that weighs you down.
  8. To change, you must first give up the things in life which no longer serve you.
  9. No one has the same reality. Stop thinking everyone should see things your way.  We’re all on our own  Ask questions.  Be humble.
  10. Being yourself is very important. It’s the most beautiful and powerful form of rebellion.
  11. It’s both a blessing and a curse to feel things so very strongly.
  12. The only mistake is a missed opportunity to learn from it.
  13. Stop worrying about what others think of you. You’re not that important.  People do things because of themselves.  Worrying serves no useful purpose.
  14. Fear is a feeling, not a fact. Walk into your fears on a daily basis.  It’s the best way to gain strength and self-confidence.  Take more chances.
  15. Keep yourself, and your mind open. Don’t hate what you don’t know.
  16. When you truly don’t care what others think of you, you’ve reached a dangerous awesome level of freedom.
  17. Stop comparing yourself to everyone else. Everyone no matter who, is struggling with something.
  18. Spend more time with people that make you laugh. Keep them close.
  19. Cultivate empathy, hope, joy, love, and peace.
  20. There are no “shoulds,” only the present moment.
  21. When you start seeing your worth, you’ll find it harder to be around others who don’t.
  22. Your only challenge in this life is to silence the mind.
  23. Practice saying or thinking “Thank you.” Gratitude attracts prosperity.
  24. Don’t wait for things to happen, make them yourself.
  25. Never confuse education with intelligence.
  26. Silence is better than bullshit. Listen, let others talk.
  27. Old behaviors won’t open new doors.
  28. Stop apologizing for your emotions.
  29. Kindness is not an act. It is a lifestyle.
  30. Be yourself; the façade is so hard to carry.
  31. You don’t have to be perfect, just good.
  32. The trouble is you think you have time lots of time to change.
  33. The words you speak become the house you live in.
  34. A sense of humor goes a long way in clearing conflict, doubts, and depression.

John Shinavier, MA is a Life and Career Coach

 

Sadhana

Posted by John Shinavier - Life Coach | Speaker on April 21, 2016
Posted in: General Blog, Yoga Therapist/ Instructor Blog. Tagged: , , , , , , . 1 Comment

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                                 Sadhana

Among many spiritual practices, there is one word that stands out as authentic.  This word is Sadhana.  To me, it means a practice that one does on a daily basis to hold and honor the inner light that we all have.  It can be as simple as repeating a prayer, a mantra for a specific number of times.  It can be taking five conscious breaths the moment you wake up and then again in the evening just before you lay your head on the pillow.  It can be more complex as doing a particular meditation at the same time every day of the week.  Each of these activities carry there own individual benefits.

All religions at one time or another have built their faith on a daily practice as a testament of their faith.  The Sikhs are known to rise at four am and take a cold shower to start their day.  The Catholics use to refrain from eating meat on Fridays.  The Orthodox Jews carry on their lives through a well-traveled,  very specific way of living as their ancestors did before them.

Sadhana, as a rule, divides the disciplined from the undisciplined.  Who does this “act” for their divinity or for the divinity that is before them; on an altar or in a temple?   If asked by one of my yoga students what is it that they could do in a daily practice that would be considered as “doing sadhana”, I caution them to start off with something small.

My Guru told certain students to do a particular sadhana anywhere from 30 days to one year, and if they forgot to do it for one day, then they had to start all over again.

In summary, it is a mystical, spiritual practice that is done on a daily basis that fuels the desire of an individual for the divine and increases their awareness.

Swami Laxman Das Jaya aka John Shinavier, MA, 500hr RYT

 

 

 

 

Keeping Your Spine Flexible Can be Your Edge in Growing Older

Posted by John Shinavier - Life Coach | Speaker on October 19, 2015
Posted in: Yoga Therapist/ Instructor Blog. Tagged: , , , , . 1 Comment

Keeping Your Spine Supple and Age with Wisdom

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As we age, we shrink.  When your spine becomes tight and stiff, it slows you down as you begin limiting activities that once you did easily.  Now you might find yourself running after your children, and doing a lot of lifting and playing with them and this activity alone requires a Spine that needs a daily tune-up.

I have continued to do Yoga for almost forty years now.  Through several careers, injuries, sports etc..  I did Yoga because no matter if I was running miles everyday, earning a Black Belt in Taekwondo, weight lifting, playing Tennis, or ocean swimming, I always remembered how my body enjoyed itself as a child and I wanted to keep myself  as close to that ideal as I could.  So no matter what activity I did I always included Yoga.  As I continued, I learned the mysteries about how one can use the Breath for energy, vitality and then, a door opened to Meditation.  I have all these tools that I have shared with individuals and groups.  Now, I live in Los Angeles and am looking for private clients who not only want, but need to have something that they can integrate into their lives that will bring it back into balance.  I have clients that require only a session for a refresher, and I have those that I teach for 90 minutes a week.  I am as thrilled as my students that what took me so many years to understand they are getting much faster than I did.  That is what a true teacher is.  Their lessons, teachings are written on their bones (as my beloved teacher use to tell me.)  So when someone in session asks me a question, the answer comes and it is like I am hearing the answer in the same moment that they are.

Go to my Web Site at https://johnshinavier.com/yoga-instructor/ or go to https://www.thumbtack.com/profile/services/Gko2ZG9HhMNLfQ/ for more info.  Call me at 310-402-3130

Get In, Get Out!

Posted by John Shinavier - Life Coach | Speaker on September 21, 2015
Posted in: General Blog, Life Coach Blog, Therapy Blog. Tagged: , , , , , . 2 Comments

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Short Term Coaching

My specialty as a coach is working with individuals who do not want to be sitting on a couch two years from now.  They have a lot they want to accomplish in their lives, and their aware of time passing.  Here are a few bullet points that might make you a prime candidate for Short-term Therapy.

  • Want change now.
  • Realize the importance of making time for this to happen.
  • Be able to communicate to me what you might be dealing with.
  • Be honest.

Want to change now:  Though it is hard to change the older we get, it’s not the norm!  Many that come into therapy want to change and do.  It takes discipline and continuity.  See what in your life you have already applied this to with some success.

Realize that it takes Time:  Depending on the individual, it’s not uncommon for someone to see me 3 times a week, versus the usual once a week.  Clients have left here satisfied that they’ve gotten what they were seeking after two sessions.

This work is not for the meek or compliant.  When you find what you might have to change i.e., thinking patterns, behaviors, unclear communication skills, you’ll find what you’re made of and choose to continue.

Think of the worst thing you could share with someone and then imagine sharing it with your therapist.  We establish trust in the first session.  I’m on your side.  I want you to have everything that you are capable of having.  Why take weeks, months to get to the core of what it is that you’re struggling with?

Be Honest with yourself: I’m not an Alchemist, nor can I turn back time.  Your choices have led you to where you are now.  What changes in sessions is that you take responsibility for what has happened up until now, and we work on alternatives which you may not even be aware of that can bring you fulfillment, joy, and a new skill set to work with for the rest of your life.

I offer a 20 to 30 minute consultation free, before contracting with you.

John J. Shinavier, MA, RYT, Life Coach

When Yoga Becomes a Spiritual Path

Posted by John Shinavier - Life Coach | Speaker on July 31, 2015
Posted in: Spiritual/Mindfullness, Yoga Therapist/ Instructor Blog. Tagged: , , , , , , , . 2 Comments

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Like the above picture of the large statue of Lord Siva, that was swept from its temple high in the Himalayas after an unusually large spring melt at the source of the Ganges River in India, if one practices yoga on a daily basis with meditation, they reap over time a solid base of mystical personal experiences that no matter how the world swirls around them, they remain like Siva, impassive in ever changing surroundings.

So, it looks to me that Lord Siva got tired of his temple and decided that he wanted more of the Mother Ganges around him.  Symbolically, it’s a perfect picture of what is known in India as Siva/Shakti (male/female).  Siva, with his great heart and devotion to the Mother, holds her fiery Shakti (energy), as She flows around Him.

For those who are seekers looking for a spiritual path that is outside the boundaries of most religions here in the West, some will be attracted to the movements of Yoga with its graceful transitions and challenging asanas.  Yoga, if done as part of a spiritual practice will, in time reveal to the student who their Beloved is, If they don’t know already, and bring them closer if they do. 

By going inside one’s self through meditation and yoga, one becomes strong in body and subsequently can hold the spiritual energy that awakens in their spine. This experience awakens their memory to their link to the Divine. The journey is long but is so worth it.

Swami Laxman Das Jaya 

aka John Shinavier

Shares his guru and Her “Kali Natha Yoga” every Saturday at 3 pm for 90 minutes at: 4870 W. Adams, 90016

4870 west Adams Blvd Unit B.  (Dharma Yoga) Call 310-402-3130 for more info.

The 21 tips for of Aging with Awareness

Posted by John Shinavier - Life Coach | Speaker on May 20, 2015
Posted in: Aging Well. Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , . 2 Comments

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There are two ways of arriving at a ripe old age; ready to take on the world, or fade away and become invisible. Since I’ve reached such an age only a few days ago.  I thought that I would share what I have learned.

  • Eat only when your hungry and always in smaller portions.
  • A full 8 hrs. sleep is at the top of the list for mental sharpness.
  • Meditation will not only reveal your own wisdom, but has been shown in studies to lengthen ones life.
  • Stop talking, respond less, and listen more.
  • Review the supplements your taking and read up on magnesium.
  • If you’ve had life long depression, and have not taken care of it, then this period of your life will be hellish.
  • Exercise, move your body.  Gardening, and housework are not counted as exercise.
  • Pride takes on a better meaning and is more internal.  You can’t still be that insecure?
  • Find a place in your community where you can do some selfless service.  You always receive more than you give.
  • By this time in your life, you should know to spend your time with friends that are supportive and less opinionated.
  • Stop being rushed into activities that you don’t want to do.  Make “I’ll have to get back to you” your standard reply.
  • If your not alone, practice it.  Loneliness is based on regret and dependence.
  • Greet strangers on the street or throughout your day.  It takes you out of your own troubles and makes you and someone else happier.
  • Wear what ever makes you happy.  You’ve earned the label eccentric.
  • By now your aware of what makes you happy and what makes you sad.  Do more of the first.
  • Stop swearing.  It was freeing when you were young, but now just makes others feel sorry for you.
  • Above all, on a daily basis be GRATEFUL, especially when your feeling sorry for yourself.  It’s a powerful word that’s taken me a lifetime to arrive at, and the most important word to use as often as you can.

John Shinavier, MA, RYT, Life Coach

At the Threshold: A Death Doula’s View of Life’s Final Chapter

Posted by John Shinavier - Life Coach | Speaker on May 3, 2025
Posted in: Aging Well, General Blog. Tagged: , , , , . 2 Comments

There is a sacred stillness that often enters the room when someone is nearing the end of their life. The world outside may continue its noise and bustle, but here, at the threshold, time softens. As a Death Doula, I have come to see this liminal space—not as a place of fear—but as a profound invitation: to listen, to witness, to ease the passage.

We are a culture adept at beginnings—births, weddings, new ventures—but we often shy away from endings. Death, for many, is still something to be fought, denied, or kept hidden. My role is to bring it into the light. Not to hasten it, not to delay it, but to accompany it with presence, reverence, and grace.

In this work, I have seen that dying is not just a medical event. It is a deeply human, emotional, and spiritual experience. Whether in a quiet home or a hospital bed, whether surrounded by loved ones or in solitude, each death is as unique as the life that preceded it. My task is to hold space for the dying and their families—to comfort, to clarify, to honor the story that is concluding.

Swami Laxman Das aka John Shinavier MA, RYT, 310-402-3130, jjshinavier@gmail.com

The end of one's life should be celebrated.

“A Reader Lives a Thousand Lives Before He Dies. The man who never reads lives only one.”

Posted by John Shinavier - Life Coach | Speaker on August 3, 2019
Posted in: General Blog. Leave a comment

Men, who Do We Choose to be?

Posted by John Shinavier - Life Coach | Speaker on January 8, 2019
Posted in: General Blog. Leave a comment

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For the man who is looking for a relationship, let’s test your understanding of how a woman may see things differently than you do?

Look at the picture on this blog and tell me what you see?  Let’s be creative.  Let’s say you’re on your second date with someone you could like/love, and you’ve chosen to take her to a local gallery opening. There are interesting people there, free chardonnay and all the cheese and crackers you can eat.  You’re on your second glass when you notice this picture hanging on the wall.  The group of people who have been blocking your view have moved on. You take your date by her arm and bring this picture to her attention as you stop directly in front of it. Looking at the artists’ rendering of a couple, a switch is turned on in your head, and you find yourself having this dialogue with yourself that might sound something like this. “God, is this picture hot or what?  A perfect picture of two people madly in love with each other obviously.”  This is what you almost blurt out to her as you turn to her, but you’ve just heard a voice in your head saying; “Don’t speak!”

You shake your head, momentarily removed from the feelings the picture has aroused in you.  You stop to take a closer look at it.  You’re a little perturbed because you still haven’t a clue as to why you heard that voice in your head?  Now you look at their hands.  You observe the picture more carefully, and the picture has even a greater story to tell.  You can hear her moaning as he kisses her neck. Eventually, you notice his hands.  He’s holding her tight, in fact, she might have some bruising on her arms the following morning.

Relax, every man whom I’ve ever shown this picture too, over 95% of them had thoughts very similar to those of yours.  It was a picture of passion, intimacy, and love.  For most of the women that I had shown the same picture too, they thought it was a dark and cruel portrait. In fact, they were the ones that got it right.  Her clenched fists were signs of anger, frustration, and fear.  Some women thought that as soon as he loosens his grip, she’d scratch his eyes out.  Some even thought she would use the kitchen knife hidden in the shadow just there on her left side and plunge it into his back as soon as he was lying on top of her.  This picture happens to be the cover of a book on sexual and physical abuse!

This is only one example of how differently the sex’s views on the world is.   Let’s look at who was one of your most important role models. For most men, it would be their father.  Much research has been done on this one subject; a man’s relationship with their father.  Consider the physiological role that most of what makes us who we are today are what was downloaded unconsciously in the first three to four years of your life.  What was the dynamics, the communications like between your parents when you were little?  As much work as many of us has done on putting distance between our fathers if we feel that we were not supportive, or loved for who we are by them.  We are still taking in information through our parents interjects and that is what is hard-wired into our beings.  This process of changing ourselves has to be on a daily basis if we are to integrate, with our well-deserved power points of what kind of man we choose to be.

In every moment man has choice, it is the awareness to do this that one has to strive.

John Shinavier, MA, Life Coach

“OOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMM”

Posted by John Shinavier - Life Coach | Speaker on January 12, 2018
Posted in: General Blog. 2 Comments

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I title this blog specifically because I am a part of that stereotype that the rest of the country may or may not remember when the ripe subject of what Californians are doing comes up around the dinner tables of the rest of the country; vegan eating, meat shaming, prayer shawl fashion, mantra loving yoga twisting crowd!

I say we are pretty lucky that Jerry Brown is still Governor of California, and still, there is a groundswell growing pack of extreme liberals that suggested we leave the rest of you, and secede.

However, it is to my own crowd that I expected more from?  For all of my “spiritual” friends, I found a lot of catastrophic responses to something that we have no control over; the social media!

We should know that the basis of practicing spirituality comes to knowing the message and then practicing it; “Stop Reacting”.  Stop being outraged and do a little more Breath of fire to blow out the rest of your expectations of yourself and others and get to work.

The misconception that we as meditators should be able to “hold the space” and let others have their feelings and their reactions is sorely being tested in these times.

 

Tool:  When becoming overwhelmed, with one-foot, stomp the floor and shout ( or say loudly in your mind: “STOP.”  Your mind will stop bothering you.

John Shinaiver is a Life/Career/Spiritual Coach