Much of the work of a coach is teaching awareness to someone who has become dissatisfied with their place in work and life. This clarity of viewing oneself with a sense of calm detachment replaces the emotional view. It would be like cleaning ones windshield of the bugs, stains and filth and establishing a clear picture of one’s goals and the appropriate direction to take.
As a coach I listen as the client explains where they are stuck, and observe how they respond to questions that tell me what may be in their way to receiving what they see as their payoff. That could be a position in a company or how to better respond to employees who make them cross or upset.
A woman comes in who is in the position of settling her mothers’ estate and is mired in family squabbles. She is a soft spoken well mannered lady who is trying to please everyone involved. She had been the only caretaker of her mother who needed daily attention because she was having respiratory problems. Not one of the other two siblings offered any help and rarely stopped in to visit her. Consequently when the mother passed, she gave everything to my client who had moved in and taken care of her. The mother had stipulated in her will that no one but my client who had taken care of her every need for three years was to get a penny. She had come to me because she needed to know if her instincts were correct.
What the above client received from her sessions.
- How to set boundaries
- The realization that she was being manipulated by both her brother and her sister.
- She learned that saying “No” was simply clear communication.
- She learned to ask her legal help exactly what she needed from them.
- She could still get her needs met without raising her voice and yelling.
A client will often come in with a very clear sense of what they need to do to reach their goal, and is looking for tools to accomplish it. A client who was in charge of a the disbursements of a large non-profit was becoming overwhelmed with his duties. He needed to be grounded and to stop dissociating when the responsibilities became overwhelming.
Here are some tools he learned.
- How to use his breath to self-sooth.
- To realize that he was not his thoughts.
- To meditate for ten minutes in the morning and ten minutes at night.
Much of what is learned in session is detachment. The ability to step outside of oneself and view from a place of clarity how to accomplish something without the emotional baggage that sometimes comes with it.
John Shinavier, MA, Life Coach