John Shinavier - MA, RYT, LC

Therapist | Life Coach | Career Coach Speaker

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Hitting the Wall

Posted by John Shinavier - Life Coach | Speaker on October 16, 2016
Posted in: General Blog. Leave a comment

John Shinavier - Life Coach | Speaker's avatarJohn Shinavier - MA, RYT, LC

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You’ve hit a wall!  A term I don’t use lightly, and in this case its definition is; when all attempts at receiving employment or starting a business have been met with no success.  You’ve exhausted all your friends, and your resume has to be continually updated to fill in all that “down time” with the last job you had two years ago.  

For anyone out there looking for a job whether you have the experience or not, but have gotten as far as the third interview, don’t give up.  This is not the time to feel sorry for yourself and start drinking or popping prescription drugs or smoking more than your usual amount of weed.

Everyone has a worst case scenario, and all are correct: 

  1. The company closed, and after forty years you still can’t retire.
  2. Your 27, graduated college three years ago and the stress you’re under…

View original post 422 more words

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The 21 tips for of Aging with Awareness

Posted by John Shinavier - Life Coach | Speaker on September 28, 2016
Posted in: General Blog. Leave a comment

John Shinavier - Life Coach | Speaker's avatarJohn Shinavier - MA, RYT, LC

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There are two ways of arriving at a ripe old age; ready to take on the world, or fade away and become invisible. Since I’ve reached such an age only a few days ago.  I thought that I would share what I have learned.

  • Eat only when your hungry and always in smaller portions.
  • A full 8 hrs. sleep is at the top of the list for mental sharpness.
  • Meditation will not only reveal your own wisdom, but has been shown in studies to lengthen ones life.
  • Stop talking, respond less, and listen more.
  • Review the supplements your taking and read up on magnesium.
  • If you’ve had life long depression, and have not taken care of it, then this period of your life will be hellish.
  • Exercise, move your body, and no, sorry, gardening, and housework are not counted as exercise.
  • Pride takes on a better meaning and is more…

View original post 209 more words

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Optimism & Isolation

Posted by John Shinavier - Life Coach | Speaker on May 16, 2016
Posted in: Aging Well, General Blog. Tagged: depression releif, sense of community, Serving others, seva. 1 Comment

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 As someone who has worked for years in the healing arts, I have shared yoga and meditation with an emphasis on the connection to the breath.  I am a clinician as well as a life-coach.  

No One is What they Think.  In simpler terms, we are not our thoughts.  At times we can’t stop them, but we can learn, with practice, not to fixate on them and view them with detachment. 

How I have learned to integrate the above into my daily life is to serve others. Working with a non-profit I started over twenty years ago which serves the hungry and homeless in the Los Angeles area, has made me more grateful for what I have and not what I don’t.  Anyone who has done selfless service from a friend of mine in N.York who started a food pantry, to Glen who started World Harvest locally are very happy people.  

To serve someone can take as many forms as there are people.  A young man with whom I’ve had the privilege to know from his birth to the present has chosen to take this message out in his community to share a moment of kindness with a perfect stranger.  You can go to his blog at  facebook.com/hashtag/illbethereproject  

On a personal level, whenever I feel depressed, I leave the isolation of my office and go for a walk in the neighborhood.  I greet everyone that I encounter.  Just a simple “Hi, Good morning!” does it for me.  This takes me out of my loop, so to speak and my depression is lifted.  There are so many in this large city who without choice have found themselves cut off and disenfranchised and isolated without any social support.  This condition can happen to anybody.  Some of the homeless whom I’ve talked to say to me that they have never known what it takes to live in the world.

To greet, or have a conversation with a stranger is a pledge that I renew every morning.  It’s not hard to give back.  We have to wake-up ourselves, and leave our problems behind for a while and reach out to someone else who is worse off than we are.

John Shinavier, MA, Life Coachncerely

John is the founder and Executive Director of a 501c which serves the homeless of

Los Angeles County     www.underthebridgesandonthestreets.org

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Sadhana

Posted by John Shinavier - Life Coach | Speaker on April 21, 2016
Posted in: General Blog, Yoga Therapist/ Instructor Blog. Tagged: Awareness, Breathe, Contemplation, Daily Practice, meditation, Mindfullness, Yoga. 1 Comment

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                                 Sadhana

Among many spiritual practices, there is one word that stands out as authentic.  This word is Sadhana.  To me, it means a practice that one does on a daily basis to hold and honor the inner light that we all have.  It can be as simple as repeating a prayer, a mantra for a specific number of times.  It can be taking five conscious breaths the moment you wake up and then again in the evening just before you lay your head on the pillow.  It can be more complex as doing a particular meditation at the same time every day of the week.  Each of these activities carry there own individual benefits.

All religions at one time or another have built their faith on a daily practice as a testament of their faith.  The Sikhs are known to rise at four am and take a cold shower to start their day.  The Catholics use to refrain from eating meat on Fridays.  The Orthodox Jews carry on their lives through a well-traveled,  very specific way of living as their ancestors did before them.

Sadhana, as a rule, divides the disciplined from the undisciplined.  Who does this “act” for their divinity or for the divinity that is before them; on an altar or in a temple?   If asked by one of my yoga students what is it that they could do in a daily practice that would be considered as “doing sadhana”, I caution them to start off with something small.

My Guru told certain students to do a particular sadhana anywhere from 30 days to one year, and if they forgot to do it for one day, then they had to start all over again.

In summary, it is a mystical, spiritual practice that is done on a daily basis that fuels the desire of an individual for the divine and increases their awareness.

Swami Laxman Das Jaya aka John Shinavier, MA, 500hr RYT

 

 

 

 

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Feeling the Loss

Posted by John Shinavier - Life Coach | Speaker on March 17, 2016
Posted in: General Blog, Going It Alone, Therapy Blog. 1 Comment

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There comes a time when we all experience loss.  It could be a parent, friend, or a beloved pet.  It’s natural to grieve.  The length of time one grieves a loss is individual and unknowing. Sometimes it may be how close the connection  or how much they meant to you.  How much they were in your life.  People generally are uncomfortable around people who show their grief.  It’s bound to happen.  Often, one  doesn’t have the luxury of going off somewhere for months to process their loss.  There is no greater loss if someone loses a child, a parent, or a beloved pet.  Love is love and most of us have felt more love from our pets than our parents.  So, no it’s not silly if your grief for your pet goes past a few weeks.  I personally felt more grief when we had to put our cat down after 18 years then I did for my mother who died a good death in her sleep at 90 plus.  Don’t assume to know what anyone is going through.  It would be seen as very generous and authentic of you to really let someone share some of their grief with you.

I’ve noticed in myself, that I feel doubly blue if I’ve lost someone who has always made me laugh.  That, for me is a great loss.  These are friends that you can’t wait to see.  There aren’t any trips or games, just great laughter.  I want a recording of all my friends laughter.  What a priceless gift that would be.

John Shinavier, MA

 

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Despair: to no longer have any Hope or Belief that a Situation will improve or Change/ The Willy Loman Moment.

Posted by John Shinavier - Life Coach | Speaker on November 10, 2015
Posted in: General Blog. Tagged: Depression, Giving up, job loss, middle class despair, suicidality. Leave a comment

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It’s more than a serendipitous situation when a topic comes up in the same week that I am moved to write more about how it resonates with me.  In the NYT Sunday (11/8/15 ) Opinion section by Paul Krugman, he writes “over a new paper by the economists Angus Deaton (who just won a Nobel) and Anne Case, showing that mortality among middle-aged white Americans has been rising since 1999.” [sic] 

Since many of my associates and friends are in this state of despair as well as more than a couple of clients that I see, I think the economics, administrative data you read if you’re following this trend can be, at least as well documented, as Global Warming.

A friend at 66 after being without work for more than five years continues to get up early, opens his laptop and checks all of the job listings for something that looks familiar enough that he can apply to.  After sending resumes’ by email, he will put his resume in various envelopes along with other specific information that is required and goes to the Post office to send those big envelopes off.  In one week he may receive one phone call from a curious (not interested ) lower level employee asking him for the answers to questions that he had already sent off two weeks ago.  He will then have a second cup of coffee and sit on the porch where he is glued to his phone searching for still more job positions that he may have missed.  He has done this without fail seven days a week for the past five years, and is in a constant state of despair that reminds me of a modern-day Willy Loman from Arthur Millers; “Death of a Salesman”.  When asked when he will stop, he replies “Not until I get a job”.

A thirty-six-year-old woman was sitting next to me on my flight from Oakland, where I had attended a conference on the Future of California NonProfits.  I noticed her studying what was obvious to me, the test for a Social Work degree.  I commented that it had taken me up to four tries, being more right brain than left, to show that I knew what I was doing to practice in the Mental Health field.  She was obviously stressed but needed to talk, so I listened.  At thirty-six, she had received her Masters, but without taking the test could not practice, and had been buried at an internship at Children & Family Services for the past five years.  She was exhausted and had injured her elbow from a bike injury and was on her way to visit a college friend who was getting married in Hawaii.  I didn’t need to push her to confide for she had closed her book and gave in to the neck cushion that surrounded her head.  ” I froze my eggs a few months ago.  I don’t know what I’m doing, but I’m not happy.  I thought….”  She went on to say what so few her age are afraid to say, that she was still finding herself, and that, no, working ten-hour days with foster children and their families was not her passion.  “I’ll never have what my parents have; house, a savings and a couple of children.”  I couldn’t help but be moved by the “matter of fact” way she reported all this.  At thirty-six, she appeared just as depressed as my sixty-six-year-old friend.

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Keeping Your Spine Flexible Can be Your Edge in Growing Older

Posted by John Shinavier - Life Coach | Speaker on October 19, 2015
Posted in: Yoga Therapist/ Instructor Blog. Tagged: aging well, Awareness, Flexibility, meditation, Yoga. 1 Comment

Keeping Your Spine Supple and Age with Wisdom

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As we age, we shrink.  When your spine becomes tight and stiff, it slows you down as you begin limiting activities that once you did easily.  Now you might find yourself running after your children, and doing a lot of lifting and playing with them and this activity alone requires a Spine that needs a daily tune-up.

I have continued to do Yoga for almost forty years now.  Through several careers, injuries, sports etc..  I did Yoga because no matter if I was running miles everyday, earning a Black Belt in Taekwondo, weight lifting, playing Tennis, or ocean swimming, I always remembered how my body enjoyed itself as a child and I wanted to keep myself  as close to that ideal as I could.  So no matter what activity I did I always included Yoga.  As I continued, I learned the mysteries about how one can use the Breath for energy, vitality and then, a door opened to Meditation.  I have all these tools that I have shared with individuals and groups.  Now, I live in Los Angeles and am looking for private clients who not only want, but need to have something that they can integrate into their lives that will bring it back into balance.  I have clients that require only a session for a refresher, and I have those that I teach for 90 minutes a week.  I am as thrilled as my students that what took me so many years to understand they are getting much faster than I did.  That is what a true teacher is.  Their lessons, teachings are written on their bones (as my beloved teacher use to tell me.)  So when someone in session asks me a question, the answer comes and it is like I am hearing the answer in the same moment that they are.

Go to my Web Site at https://johnshinavier.com/yoga-instructor/ or go to https://www.thumbtack.com/profile/services/Gko2ZG9HhMNLfQ/ for more info.  Call me at 310-402-3130

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Get In, Get Out!

Posted by John Shinavier - Life Coach | Speaker on September 21, 2015
Posted in: General Blog, Life Coach Blog, Therapy Blog. Tagged: Change Now!, Fast Therapy, Get on with it!, Quick Coaching, Short Term Therapy, Warrior Coaching. 2 Comments

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Short Term Coaching

My specialty as a coach is working with individuals who do not want to be sitting on a couch two years from now.  They have a lot they want to accomplish in their lives, and their aware of time passing.  Here are a few bullet points that might make you a prime candidate for Short-term Therapy.

  • Want change now.
  • Realize the importance of making time for this to happen.
  • Be able to communicate to me what you might be dealing with.
  • Be honest.

Want to change now:  Though it is hard to change the older we get, it’s not the norm!  Many that come into therapy want to change and do.  It takes discipline and continuity.  See what in your life you have already applied this to with some success.

Realize that it takes Time:  Depending on the individual, it’s not uncommon for someone to see me 3 times a week, versus the usual once a week.  Clients have left here satisfied that they’ve gotten what they were seeking after two sessions.

This work is not for the meek or compliant.  When you find what you might have to change i.e., thinking patterns, behaviors, unclear communication skills, you’ll find what you’re made of and choose to continue.

Think of the worst thing you could share with someone and then imagine sharing it with your therapist.  We establish trust in the first session.  I’m on your side.  I want you to have everything that you are capable of having.  Why take weeks, months to get to the core of what it is that you’re struggling with?

Be Honest with yourself: I’m not an Alchemist, nor can I turn back time.  Your choices have led you to where you are now.  What changes in sessions is that you take responsibility for what has happened up until now, and we work on alternatives which you may not even be aware of that can bring you fulfillment, joy, and a new skill set to work with for the rest of your life.

I offer a 20 to 30 minute consultation free, before contracting with you.

John J. Shinavier, MA, RYT, Life Coach

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When Yoga Becomes a Spiritual Path

Posted by John Shinavier - Life Coach | Speaker on July 31, 2015
Posted in: Spiritual/Mindfullness, Yoga Therapist/ Instructor Blog. Tagged: India, Los Angeles Yoga Teacher, meditation, spirituality, therapist, What are you doing with your body?, Yoga, Yoga teacher. 2 Comments

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Like the above picture of the large statue of Lord Siva, that was swept from its temple high in the Himalayas after an unusually large spring melt at the source of the Ganges River in India, if one practices yoga on a daily basis with meditation, they reap over time a solid base of mystical personal experiences that no matter how the world swirls around them, they remain like Siva, impassive in ever changing surroundings.

So, it looks to me that Lord Siva got tired of his temple and decided that he wanted more of the Mother Ganges around him.  Symbolically, it’s a perfect picture of what is known in India as Siva/Shakti (male/female).  Siva, with his great heart and devotion to the Mother, holds her fiery Shakti (energy), as She flows around Him.

For those who are seekers looking for a spiritual path that is outside the boundaries of most religions here in the West, some will be attracted to the movements of Yoga with its graceful transitions and challenging asanas.  Yoga, if done as part of a spiritual practice will, in time reveal to the student who their Beloved is, If they don’t know already, and bring them closer if they do. 

By going inside one’s self through meditation and yoga, one becomes strong in body and subsequently can hold the spiritual energy that awakens in their spine. This experience awakens their memory to their link to the Divine. The journey is long but is so worth it.

Swami Laxman Das Jaya 

aka John Shinavier

Shares his guru and Her “Kali Natha Yoga” every Saturday at 3 pm for 90 minutes at: 4870 W. Adams, 90016

4870 west Adams Blvd Unit B.  (Dharma Yoga) Call 310-402-3130 for more info.
34.025519 -118.352039

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Hitting the Wall

Posted by John Shinavier - Life Coach | Speaker on July 1, 2015
Posted in: General Blog, Life Coach Blog. Tagged: applying for jobs, create your job, Employment, internet job hunting, job hunting, opportunities, resume, skillset. 1 Comment

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You’ve hit a wall!  A term I don’t use lightly, and in this case its definition is; when all attempts at receiving employment or starting a business have been met with no success.  You’ve exhausted all your friends, and your resume has to be continually updated to fill in all that “down time” with the last job you had two years ago.  

For anyone out there looking for a job whether you have the experience or not, but have gotten as far as the third interview, don’t give up.  This is not the time to feel sorry for yourself and start drinking or popping prescription drugs or smoking more than your usual amount of weed.

Everyone has a worst case scenario, and all are correct: 

  1. The company closed, and after forty years you still can’t retire.
  2. Your 27, graduated college three years ago and the stress you’re under with student loans and growing older in your old bedroom at your parents home is becoming an acceptable way of life.
  3. You’ve dropped out of high school, or you’ve graduated, and after going through many humiliating minimum wage jobs, you did what you thought was a sure thing and tried to join the armed forces only to find out you’re not qualified enough. 

What are You Made Of?

 Starting with those who are ten to five years away from retiring?  Check your ego at the door.  Follow through with any sensible suggestion that a friend or associate has suggested to you, and stop being so defensive.  Very few can enter a new company at the same pay or higher than the one they left.  Some younger people will do whatever you did for a lot less.  Take a walk in your neighborhood, talk to everyone.  Relationships new or old are sometimes your best chance at finding work.  Walk through the door of any business that has posted a help wanted sign.  Take anything that you can physically do that brings in money.  When you’re not cooking fries, or stacking boxes at a moving company, open your computer and continue looking.

 Those younger have more options when they’re finished with academia than the above to find something in their field to bring in a little income. money. 

Stay in or get in shape.  90% of employers are going to hire someone who is in shape, than one who is thirty pounds overweight.  It shows discipline and stamina and less absence from work.  No one wants to hear how you got that weight off, but you did, and that takes discipline. Know what you bring to whomever is interviewing you.  Do you have the following?  

  1. I’m punctual.
  2. I’m a team player. (have quantifiable examples ready.)
  3. I’m ambitious. (have examples available.)
  4. Have an answer ready for this question; Where do you see yourself in four years? (Tailor this response to the job you’re being interviewed for.)
  5. I’ll do whatever it takes to get the job done. 

In closing, use your available time well in developing the skills that you are passionate about.  Take a course on creative writing, computer software, managing a small business, anything that brings you joy.  Personal creativity according to what is being reported by futurists in the press, the more that you can do well, the better your chances are in being hired.     

John Shinavier, MA, RYT, Life Coach

 

 

 

 

 

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The 21 tips for of Aging with Awareness

Posted by John Shinavier - Life Coach | Speaker on May 20, 2015
Posted in: Aging Well. Tagged: 21 tips to aging well, aging well, Breathing with awareness, Eccentric?, Getting Old, Gratitude, How to be happy, Senior Advice, What we learn along the way., Who says I'm old?, wisdom comes with age. 2 Comments

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There are two ways of arriving at a ripe old age; ready to take on the world, or fade away and become invisible. Since I’ve reached such an age only a few days ago.  I thought that I would share what I have learned.

  • Eat only when your hungry and always in smaller portions.
  • A full 8 hrs. sleep is at the top of the list for mental sharpness.
  • Meditation will not only reveal your own wisdom, but has been shown in studies to lengthen ones life.
  • Stop talking, respond less, and listen more.
  • Review the supplements your taking and read up on magnesium.
  • If you’ve had life long depression, and have not taken care of it, then this period of your life will be hellish.
  • Exercise, move your body.  Gardening, and housework are not counted as exercise.
  • Pride takes on a better meaning and is more internal.  You can’t still be that insecure?
  • Find a place in your community where you can do some selfless service.  You always receive more than you give.
  • By this time in your life, you should know to spend your time with friends that are supportive and less opinionated.
  • Stop being rushed into activities that you don’t want to do.  Make “I’ll have to get back to you” your standard reply.
  • If your not alone, practice it.  Loneliness is based on regret and dependence.
  • Greet strangers on the street or throughout your day.  It takes you out of your own troubles and makes you and someone else happier.
  • Wear what ever makes you happy.  You’ve earned the label eccentric.
  • By now your aware of what makes you happy and what makes you sad.  Do more of the first.
  • Stop swearing.  It was freeing when you were young, but now just makes others feel sorry for you.
  • Above all, on a daily basis be GRATEFUL, especially when your feeling sorry for yourself.  It’s a powerful word that’s taken me a lifetime to arrive at, and the most important word to use as often as you can.

John Shinavier, MA, RYT, Life Coach

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“Imagine, that Someone is listening to You”

Posted by John Shinavier - Life Coach | Speaker on April 21, 2015
Posted in: General Blog, Therapy Blog. Tagged: Accountability, asking for what you need, Awareness, Finding yourself, The Universe and its effect on us., Vision Quest, wisdom. Leave a comment

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Imagine if you can, that there is something else that you could tap into for positive responses to your requests, prayers, wishes?   Now imagine that you have already received what you have asked for.  Wouldn’t you at least say; Thank You?

Imagine still, that it wouldn’t make any difference what mood you were in or how you were feeling when you were doing the asking?.  All you simply had to do was ask once, from your heart.  No begging, pleading, bargaining or tears were involved. You merely take a moment before you make the request, and really take some time to properly get all the words lined up so that whomever or whatever is listening will know exactly, very specifically what it is that you want.

Here are a few examples of not quite, well thought out appeals:

  1. I want to be healthy.
  2. I need a job.
  3. Would you send me a partner?

If I had only one shot at asking for what I wanted, using the above three examples, they would sound like this.

  1. I want to be healthy in body, mind and spirit in the now.  Thank You!
  2. I need a job that fuels my own passions and expands my talents in ways I never thought possible and I would like at least a six figure salary or payment, and please let me recognize it when it comes in the now.  Thank You!
  3. Would you give me a partner, now that I know what it is that I need in one, that would be in their thirties, well adjusted, empathetic, healthy, funny, attractive to me and attracted to me, with financial security and most of all, let me recognize them when I see them in the now.    Thank You

There is a universe that has no emotions, no agenda and doesn’t judge or dislike anything or anybody.  It also doesn’t hold to our concept of time (hence the words “in the now”.) It’s just there waiting for our requests.  Suspend your mind and your beliefs, and know that this is nothing new, but perhaps edited a bit simpler so that more people can easily understand and access it.  No books by Tony Robbins, or Ted Talks or the hundreds that write it in self-help books and lectures saying the exact same thing, but usually in three hundred pages or more.

It is the practice of bringing in the moment what one needs, and “as if” you already have received it.  This is what I learned from this practice.  It may or may not come in the time slot that you have asked for.  It will hear you and might place you somewhere where you would not suspect that you would ever visit, much less live.  It may not come in the guise or appearance that you would expect.  It may need to shake up your life, habits, beliefs etc..  Many times things may have to change in us to accommodate it.  That’s the price that you must be willing to pay.  My teacher often warned us to be careful for what we asked for, for she would give it to us, pretending not to know that we were just pretending.  Sage advice, I think. 

John Shinavier, MA, RYT, Life Coach

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Procrastination

Posted by John Shinavier - Life Coach | Speaker on April 19, 2015
Posted in: General Blog. 2 Comments

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(Your Inner Slug )

Procrastination is an engine of regret.  It has been defined as the voluntary delay of any action that we realize we ought to pursue now.

For habitual individuals and frequent dawdler’s who tend to harbor self-critical thoughts and wrestle with depression and anxiety, they consistently are found to yield  to impulses more often than other people.  When chronic procrastinators are asked about their thoughts, they tend to share snippets of a dark, gloom-ridden internal dialogue.  “I am too stupid to do this,” they say, or “If I can’t complete this paper, everything else I’ve done is meaningless.”

Numerous studies have demonstrated that negative emotions diminish self-control.  Anxiety undermines diets, as well as smokers’ efforts to quit. When people feel upset, they are more likely to act aggressively, spend too much money or play video games when they know they should be doing something else, like studying or working.  Feeling down is a strong predictor of relapse into procrastination.

Distraction, (ADHD ) it turns out, is the way to cast off unwanted feelings.  Procrastinator’s doodle in the paper margins, sweep the kitchen floor, call a friend or take a nap.  This quells the overwhelm in their heads and until self-control and focus in a task is restored.

Turning the mind away from a dull or disturbing thoughts is one reason we delay.  A Bruised ego might compel someone to procrastinate as a way to repair his sense of self.  After a setback, a someone might turn to Facebook or check out the latest sports scores to affirm a sense of connection.

Many a procrastinator use a set of thoughts known as counterfactual (contrary to facts). These statements often begin with phrases such as “at least” or “if only”—-, “at least I didn’t crash the car!” or “if only I’d gotten a good nights sleep.”  Downward counterfactual always illustrates that things could have been worse.  This serves to elevate mood.  Upward counterfactual, which captures how we might have avoided a mistake, do the opposite.

Individuals, who procrastinate more, dreamed up more downward counterfactuals than those less prone to a postponement.  Chronic idlers might be less resilient when beset by negative feelings, so their defense mechanisms kick in sooner.  There is discomfort that comes when you approach a task that brings up insecurities, and for some people, that slow burn of self-worth will put that work off for another day. 

What to do

One obstacle for any procrastination-beating technique is that managing our internal state and herding our thoughts and feelings, so they align with our highest goals—often demands self-control, and this effort can leave us with less cognitive firepower for the tasks at hand, Resolving not to check e-mail for an hour, for example, will bring on an elaborate lunch preparation which, though not checking your E-mails, feels more valued.  Still, nothing gets done.

The idea that negative emotions drive procrastination has opened up new approaches for bolstering resilience.  Several strategies that leave self-control intact are now being discussed.

For instance, since my wife and I moved into a new house, I was determined not to fill up our new house with stuff from our last house, so it remained in the garage where, when we both had the time, I assumed, we would go through it all again and get rid of the majority of the clutter.  Every time I opened the garage door, I was overwhelmed with all the boxes and the fact that it upset me further.  It wasn’t until months had passed when I purchased two large tables from a yard sale to refinish and use.  The shift in motivation that made me go through and get rid of most of the boxes was the space I needed for my workbench.  Clearing out the gaggle of moving boxes in the garage became virtuous, not vexing.  Without realizing it, I had tapped into one key way for overcoming procrastination: a new motivation!

This is called cognitive reappraisal, a deliberate move to change the meaning of a situation by altering our emotional response to it.  In my case thinking of the task as self-improvement [a workspace which I could then repair or make furniture for our new house] decreased my vulnerability to the temptation of taking a nap whenever I thought of tackling the clutter.

If the incredibly powerful force of emotions can be harnessed, a task can be less a burden and more fun than if you’re constantly turned around and around by them.  Your initial emotions to tackling anything out of your comfort zone are not the only emotions that you have.  If you break the task at hand, down in smaller parts [going through 3 boxes per day in the garage], inevitably the job gets done.

Another way to view an event more positively is to give yourself a break.  Because procrastination seems to trigger harsh self-criticism, it may be self-reinforcing, sending us spiraling further downward.  For this reason, Self-Forgiveness: a three-step process to reduce the emotional distress that procrastination stirs up.  It entails acknowledging having made a mistake, weathering feelings of guilt and then experiencing a shift in motivation as self-punishment gives way to the positive feeling of self-acceptance.  Acknowledging your error and sense of guilt, and then move on.

Self-affirmation can restore self-control because we are powerfully motivated both unconsciously and consciously to pursue self-worth.  By reflecting on the best parts of ourselves it stops our fixation on the negative, which at times we are so used to, that it’s almost a perverse pleasure, and to focus descriptive on what matters in life.  Seeing the bigger picture can be the motivation to change.

Over time, by hesitating before surrendering to the nap, or the drink, or the internet, our self-control becomes stronger, and we can begin tailoring external circumstances instead.  Ultimately, it seems, the key is not to always fight temptations but to learn to avoid as many of them as possible.

Thus self-control may not be the capacity for titanic acts of willpower but instead an ability to shape one’s environment proactively through effective habits and routines.

So if you’re planning on starting an exercise plan the next day leave your workout clothes laid out for the morning and tuck your keys under the clothes the fewer obstacles, the fewer opportunities for negative emotions to arise.  And when you encounter an urge to avoid doing what matters most, check in with your feelings first.  They may rule the moment, but you can still have power over the day.

John Shinavier, MA

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Under The Bridges featured on NBC News

Posted by John Shinavier - Life Coach | Speaker on March 4, 2015
Posted in: General Blog. Leave a comment

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“There are no Throw-away People”

Posted by John Shinavier - Life Coach | Speaker on February 11, 2015
Posted in: General Blog, Yoga Therapist/ Instructor Blog. 1 Comment

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As a psychotherapist, Life Coach and Yoga Teacher, I can say that I am in the healing profession. Besides “Do No Harm”, which is part of the ethics of my occupations, I also believe in sharing with whom I am working with at the time, the importance of “selfless service” or ,Seva as its called in India.  It doesn’t come as easy as you might think.  Everyone struggles with there their inner judge and prejudices.  Doing service the way my organization “Under the Bridges and on the Streets” does, is not for everybody.  However if your really serious about including it in your life, as a therapist, life coach and yoga teacher I would encourage you greatly.  “The Frangrance remains in the hand that gives the rose.” Ghandhi

This short piece on the following link is how I and our volunteers bring balance in our lives.

Sincerely

John Shinavier, MA, Executive Director of “Under the Bridges and on the Street”.

http://www.nbclosangeles.com/news/local/John-Shinavier-Life-Connected-Feeding-LA-Homeless-289749581.html

More information can be found at http://www.underthebridges.org

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The Cure for Anxiety

Posted by John Shinavier - Life Coach | Speaker on February 5, 2015
Posted in: General Blog. Tagged: Anxiety and its cures!, feeding the homeless, Get out of yourself!, homeless, How to meet your soul-mate., selfless service, the cure for anxiety. 2 Comments

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After a couple of hours of distributing the 70 plus bag lunches to the homeless, we were finished.  Now on our way  home I asked a friend who had come along to help, how she was feeling.  Kate, an influential lawyer, shows up regularly whenever our group of volunteers make lunches for the homeless population of Los Angeles.

“I feel such gratitude.  I realize in giving out lunches how much I’ve been holding onto from the previous week.  It’s so incredible, you should write a blog about it.”  I heard her window slide open, and glanced in my rear-view mirror at her relaxed face taking in the breeze from the freeway, as if she were leaning into the wind aboard a swift sailboat.  Could you clarify, I asked?

“Write about how doing service cures anxiety,” her tone suggested my lack of insight in her change of mood.  “It works, now you write it!”  She closed her eyes in serene bliss and gave over to whatever fantasy the wind and the sun on her face were stirring up.

The above clearly illustrates to me what I have taken for granted in the twenty plus years doing small selfless acts of humanitarian relief.  I often forget, but witness countless friends and strangers all saying the same thing, that when they serve someone else, with no thought of getting anything back, their anxiety about their own lives is forgotten in that moment.  Sometimes, these good feelings will last well into the following week.

Rather than go into a whole psychological treatise and alienate a lot of people, I’d just like to summarize the following. I observe that when someone looks beyond their own discomfort and helps someone who is hungry or suffering and lacking in what most take for granted and then follow up with an exchange be it a meal, a blessing, a hug or something else they may need, the universe will hand them back their own suffering hearts now filled to the brim with good feelings.

]ohn Shinavier, volunteer

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Resolutions; The Lies we tell Ourselves!

Posted by John Shinavier - Life Coach | Speaker on December 29, 2014
Posted in: General Blog. Tagged: changes in my life, Narcissist, New Years Eve, New Years resolution, resolutions, The Lies we tell ourselves, When therapy is needed. Leave a comment

 2015

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We’ve all done it; made resolutions bonded by the power of a clock that strikes twelve times at midnight of a New Year. It’s all well-meaning to attempt to change, but to launch that change at a time when perfect strangers, in drunken revelry try to maul you, is just bad timing.  Your going to fail and hopefully you’ve kept these resolutions to yourself.

Besides the word resolution as defined in Merriam Webster means:  the act of finding an answer or solution to a conflict, problem, etc..  The word that you mean to use is solve, which means:  to find a way to deal with and end (a problem).

I vote to amend the date for transformation to the second day of the New Year and not the first.  By then your head is clearing up, the pressure is off, and no one cares what you want to change in your life since
they have been silenced by their own shame in not keeping their own hopelessly flawed resolutions.

So, worry not about starting anything on the first of any month, much less the first of any new year.  You have a few more days to shamelessly act out and lie to yourself that the first day of the New Year you will be reborn like the Phoenix through the fires of a night of professionally making an ass of yourself.

Cut yourself a break as well as, the rest of us who are tired of hearing what you need to change in yourself to get the life that you deserve.   The last part of that sentence is a lie in itself.  What you deserve is a healthy dose of common sense to go after what ever you think will make you happy and rely less on the statement itself, which sounds like the drunken ravings of a Narcissist!

“Happy New Year”                                                      

John J Shinavier, MA, Life Coach, Therapist  [please use the following poll or rate the article.  It helps me help you.

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A video about Service to ones Community.

Posted by John Shinavier - Life Coach | Speaker on November 18, 2014
Posted in: General Blog. Tagged: feed the poor, Homelessness, hunger, Look around you!, Ma Jaya, Serve the poor, Serving the Homeless, seva, take care of the poor. Leave a comment

We couldn’t ask for any form of media that represents “Under the Bridges and on the Streets”, as Mr. Conti.has in this short film. Thank You Mike

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has in this short film. Thank You Mike

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Radical Therapy

Posted by John Shinavier - Life Coach | Speaker on November 10, 2014
Posted in: General Blog, Life Coach Blog. Tagged: boundaries, COMMUNICATIONS, couples counseling, procrastination, self doubt. 1 Comment

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As a Therapist / Life Coach that enjoys helping people reach their goals and re-animate their lives.  Therapy can be exciting if you are so worn out from hitting the same familiar wall over and over again.   You can perhaps find relief by reaching out to someone who has experience in these matters and can oversee your big picture.

Age sometimes has a lot to do with how much a person can attempt to change their situation.  Regardless of age, there are some who still retain the mental and emotional flexibility to make changes.  I’d like to think when younger in their prime and faced with a challenge they charged into it gladly.  Now so many years later they are willing but need a little push.   

Years pass and experiences have been harvested and processed.  Choices may have been made to avoid, reject or jump in feet first to what life demanded. Optimism, that battery that continues to be drained, needs a tune-up.  Belief in oneself has perhaps drifted apart from intuition and needs to be connected again.

If any of the above resonates with you, then be aware that you’re not alone in this.  Without consciously being aware of it, we’ve hunkered down, and held tightly to what we have known, keeping anything unfamiliar out.  Distrust has taken the place of optimism.  Another way to clarify  this condition is that our pain, depression, and anxiety are known, and therefore there are no surprises.  It has a kind of fuzzy comfort to it. What I hear as a response to questions requiring change is;  “That’s not a problem, I’m fine with the way things are.” 

Once we identify what is holding them back (image of self, deeply flawed belief systems, etc.), then the choices come into sharp focus, and they either will continue in therapy or cease attending.

In pondering, as I do after a client has left, what else I could have said that could have made them more of a warrior in their process, what intervention, what sage advice could I have given?   I then realize my limitations in the time that I have had with them and can only hope that they return.

 What I would like to impart to a client resistant to change would be: “You have a year left to live, now be honest with yourself, nothing stands in your way.”  

John  Shinavier, MA, RYT, Life Coach [please take a moment and rate the blog with a star or two.  By leaving me your E mail and a response to a blog, it helps me help you more specifically.

 

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“Feeling Good Doesn’t Come Easy.”

Posted by John Shinavier - Life Coach | Speaker on October 7, 2014
Posted in: General Blog, Therapy Blog. Tagged: #getting a job#You're Fired#What Now?#Finding Work#out of work#reinventing yourself, Abandonment, Adults abused as a child, After the drugs, antidepressants, Behavioral tools that help alleviate depression, boundaries, Children of Abuse, Depression, low self-worth, Mental Health, Noon day Demon, Now What?, SELF HELP, self-hate, Self-Hate. When Therapy is needed, Setting Boundaries, Sexual Abuse, the personal cost of staying depressed, What I did, When Boundaries are Crossed, Your on an Anti Depressant. Leave a comment

Working with clients that are plagued by depression, as well as having a life long relationship with it myself, I think I can speak with some experience as to the effects that it can have on one’s life.  For myself, I found that living without treating ” it”, was a huge waste of time.  Depression can stop one from getting on with the life  they want.

Because of licensing agreements, most therapists cannot discuss one antidepressant against another with clients.  This is a doctors field of expertise.  I have often found the local Pharmacist to have more time and more information when comparing the side effects of say Prozac versus Lexepro to a potential consumer, than a doctor who doesn’t have the time for such a discussion.

So, hopefully, without too many changes of medication, you find the one that works for you.  The first thing you may notice is that you now have choices, that months prior to taking the medication you never thought you had.  It raises your tolerance for anxiety and gives you time for doing more of what you love. You have hope and dreams that now don’t seem all that impossible to achieve.

What I’ve yet to find is an easily understandable discussion or article that illuminates what a client who is beginning to feel better should explore while in this new state of awareness.

More specifically, I will address the tools that a client might work towards acquiring, while they are on an antidepressant that is working for them.  Because I myself have plateaued on these drugs, and have, over the years taken myself off of them as an experiment to see, if, in the absence of taking them, I can continue to “live free” of the medication. I have learned that the more I have practiced using newly acquired tools while on the medication, there stands a very good chance that I will rely on them more as I get older, rather the antidepressant.

For this blog I will simplify, rather than expand on what each behavioral change can do for a client, by using bullet points. While on an antidepressant a person could:

  • Exercise
  • Socialize
  • Go back to school, or explore another field of interest.
  • Meditate
  • Change diet
  • Start therapy to help focus on goals that seemed impossible before

If one or all of these resonate with you, than this article is dedicated to you.  All have proven to increase a persons mood and range of feelings about themselves and the world they live in.  If you were never disciplined before, than now is your chance to bring this into your life with a vengeance.  More than anything else a disciplined person is one who no longer procrastinates but structures their time well.   If you have been depressed most of your life discipline should be explored now that the depression is gone.

Feeling more optimistic should not be taken for granted.  You’ve possibly spent more of your life depressed than not, which makes the above points even more important to adopt into your new lifestyle.

The flip-side of taking an antidepressant that relieves the symptoms of depression for a client, is that it can fuel addictions just as it can fuel a structured healthy life.  A person can choose not to adopt any of the above tools and continue using a substance that months previous was used to create distance from the very depression that they are now taking a medication for.  Addiction, has to be addressed.  The alcohol or drugs that seemed necessary for survival now will become more of a problem if there not stopped.  

I hope that I have illuminated what could be possible for one who is battling depression and what some of the choices can be, once the decision is made to try a medication.  

John Shinavier, MA, RYT, Life Coach  Please take a moment and rate this blog by pressing the stars at the top of the blog.  Thank You..To receive a new blog follow me.

 

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